Getting over a breakup

Hmm I think every time I talk about this, I still feel like this is a hard topic. Getting over a breakup is not like getting a recipe on how to make a scrambled egg. There's no 5 steps to get over a breakup or simple formula for that.

I think getting over a breakup is different to everyone. I'm not trying to give you a formula or shortcuts here, I just wanted to share my personal journey with you and I hope it will help you when you're going through something similar.

I think I've gotten through a serious breakup 2 times in my life. The first time was with my long-period boyfriend and the second one was with someone that I knew for only about a year.. I thought by having gone through a breakup before, it will make the next breakup (if there's another) easier. But, boy I was wrong.. (we'll talk about this)

As a human being, we're all created with emotions & logic. Like it or not, women tend to use their emotions rather than their logic. Is that a weakness? I don't think so, because emotions help us to relate with other people. 

But, in some cases it can feel like a weakness. For me, personally, it's really hard to not let myself be controlled by my emotions  because I'm such an emotional person especially when it comes to relationships.

My first relationship was over because we were in a long distance relationship & I found it really really hard (I had my own issues which we'll talk about in another blog, hehe). So my partner ended the relationship because he felt like it was the right thing to do. I honestly thanked him for that because I couldn't be the one who ended the relationship first (keep in mind, I'm a very emotional person). 

However, the second one was over because I decided to end it. My partner at that time wasn't a strong believer. He just began to know Christ, when we first started dating. This is the one that I'm gonna talk about in this blog..

When I was dating this guy, we worked in the same building. So, we saw each other almost every single day. Although my first relationship lasted for almost 4 years but this relationship feels longer (since the first one was a long distance relationship).. 

I ended the relationship because I felt like in the long run, this relationship won't go anywhere.. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone who deeply loves Christ & is able to bring me and my children closer to God..

I didn't see that in this guy. However, I compromised. I tried to save this relationship for months. When it ended, I didn't feel sad & depressed right away. I only began feeling sad & lonely until 3-4 months later.. People say that women get really sad in the first stage of breakup and then they move on quickly while guys move on quickly but then get sad later.. Well, that's not the case for me, that's why I said in the beginning of this blog that getting over a breakup can be different to everyone.

So, how did I get over my breakup? Here's the deal, we don't get over someone or something completely in a day.. I think it's a process that we need to go through. Just like it takes time for us to fall in love, it also takes some time for us to fall out of love. Although in some cases, people fall in love too easily. 

Now I'm gonna share with you how I went through it.. I just got through the break up by going through it one day at a time. 

I'm a type of person who speaks my mind. When I feel something, I say it. So many times I was tempted to call him and tell him that I missed him and let's be honest, a lot of times I failed. haha. But I think when you want to get over someone you have to deeal with those feelings. 

And one of the ways NOT to deal with those feelings is by calling the other person. Calling the other person is just gonna make it harder for both of you to get over it. 

When you miss someone, just write it down on your journal or on a page. As much as you wanna call him, I think it's not gonna help you and it's definitely not gonna help him too. I love you, my friend. I wish I could just look at you in the eyes and tell you in person that you will get through this, that this too shall pass. As hard as it gets, YES, this too shall pass. As a believer, we know and believe that God never leaves us nor forsakes us. But as His creation, we're also designed with feelings and emotions. He can't just take those feelings away from us. Admit to yourself that you're feeling down & lonely. As Christians we are not immune to heartbreaks or sadness so just admit it. Then, listen to songs that can encourage you and lift you up. Check out B. Reith's album, Now is Not Forever, that album helps me get through some of my dark days! 

Put your phone away because it's so easy for us to just call him or call his friends and stalk them. Sometimes I wish we still lived in the 60s or 70s where people still used letters to communicate so we won't fall into the trap of DM-ing our exes just because it's so easy to do & it only takes one second. 

Most importantly, cry it out. Just let it out. Do not surrpress your feelings or deny your feelings. God is so close to the broken-hearted. He is with you whether you feel it or not.

For me, I write down all my emotions on my journal and I spend hours at the feet of God crying & weeping. As much as we want this feeling to go away, we can't shut down our feelings. Shutting down our feelings is gonna make it worse. Some people are really good at that, but don't.. Don't run to alcohols, partying and moreover other guys. Run to Jesus. He knows your heart more than anyone else.

During my first breakup, I wrote a song, and to this day this song still helps me getting through some of my darkest nights:

When my faith is shaken,

When my hope is fading,

Your love overwhelms me,

Your grace overtakes me..

And my hope starts to grow..

And my faith starts to rise..

Your love is so strong, Lord

Your love never-ending

Your love never fails, your love never fails

Your grace is astounding,

Your grace is transforming,

Now I'm not the same, I'm not the same..

Nothing can compare, nothing can compare to your love, Jesus..

Remember, His love is stronger that any other's love. He loves you way before you were born and when you were still in your mother's womb.

He loves you despite of your weirdness, weakness, and past. He loves you when you're unlovable and He loves you when you feel like you're not worthy of His love or of any human's love.

Most importantly, His love never fails when others do or when your love fails. So, cling to that love. Believe in that love. For that love will not only last for a moment, but will last forever!

Cheers, 

MIMA